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September 7, 2008 at 4:07 pm |
Florida divorce/Palm Beach County, Florida – My ex-wife alientated my daughter, who is now 18 years old, so much that she stopped coming on visitation when she turned 13 years old. My ex-wife’s family have given my ex-wife in excess of $2.7 million interest free and she has not claimed any of the money on her tax returns. She has given her attorneys nearly $1.8 million to keep me in Court. A Court appointed psychologist was appointed as a family therapist and diagnosed that the mother intentionally alientated the daughter, tried to alienate the son, but was unsuccessful with the son. My ex-wife spent nearly $100,000 and 10 months threatening the family therapist with a law suite or medical complaint for violating patient priviledge because she did not want the doctor’s report entered into the Court record. The ex-wife was successful with blocking the family therapist from testifying and getting his report into the Court record. However, my ex-wife was able to have one of the children’s therapist testify, who complained that I interferred with the process. I did not understand this therapist making these statements; however, I found out 6 months later that my ex-wife’s attorney’s represented the children’s therapist in her own divorce 5 years earlier. It has been horrible, I am broke, do not see my daughter, and continue to have enourmous Court bills while she goes and picks another $100,000 or $200,000 off of her father’s wealthy tree. In closing, I saw Mr. Baldwin’s interview with 60 minutes and Morley Safer (sp?) was quite judgemental of Mr. Baldwin. However, I am not judgemental of Mr. Baldwin because if you have had to deal with a very vindictive, alienating ex-wife, then you can understand what may drive someone to react like Alec reacted. The divorce system is horrible for father’s and even more horrible for father’s when the ex-wife has alot of money to fund attorneys, forensic accountants, psychologists, etc… I believe my story is a record story and I thought about somehow publishing the events. I believe there was fraud and conspiracy between the ex-wife’s attorneys and the psychologist. If you ever want to speak to me, my number is 954-275-4419. I am a father who’s rights did not matter, and was taken advantage of in Palm Beach County, Florida.
August 5, 2009 at 7:04 am |
I have just been through hell with the same Palm Beach County Courts, a negligent and worthless guardian ad litem and a court appointed psychologist who ended up admitting in court he was not comfortable doing psychological examinations. I would love to compare notes. Please reply.
September 7, 2008 at 9:04 pm |
I would like to get in touch with alec baldwin to share my story for his book, I was a victim of parental alienation and was able to get through it an reclaim my relationship with my son after 10 years of dealing with abusive alienation. It can be done and I have a very important story to share with him.
Lisa Schatz
Atherton ,CO
August 5, 2009 at 7:05 am |
I would like to find out how to find that relationship again. Seems majority of alienated parents are fathers…I would be interested in e-mailing with you regarding the moms who end up alienated.
September 17, 2008 at 5:09 pm |
Im hoping Alec gets thisemail Im a victim of the same horrible crime instilled by the legal system which destroys children for 10 years I was in and out of the Suffolk County Court System with no Justice What they allow is a crime contempt of court ordered documentsfraud. and holding us in bounty not being able to pursue are cases to prove neglect breach of legal duty because we cant afford to pursue our cases due to the extrafigent legal fees 2ooo court transcripts they charge which in many cases is needed to appeal verdictsMy son is destroyed by these buracratic pigs who play God when all they are are devils in black robes. I would be vhappy and give all my energys to get involved with Mr. Baldwins causes Rosemary Karrer
September 19, 2008 at 8:18 am |
I just wanted to say that other people writing and reading comments should know that there are alot of targeted parents out there and a lot of information and support for them. You can start by going to my website and following the links to other sites. You are not alone and you don’t need a celebrity to get in touch with you in order to have access to support and information (although, of course, it would be nice if Alec could respond…)
Best to all
Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D.
http://www.amyjlbaker.com
September 20, 2008 at 6:00 pm |
As a man who has successfully completed 15 years through a bloody divorce, PAS was always been an issue. During my second marriage I’ve experienced more PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) than in my previous first divorce. I’ve had the police called on me so many times; just to have nothing happen. It’s a form of terrorism. Whatever she wants she gets… because she can simply call the police and hope that they ‘catch me’ in something… but what if there is nothing to catch? As in my example? As in Baldwin’s example? We’re all human. But women are judged by a different standard. There IS such a thing as a scheming women. In my situation, 2 years have passed since the final papers and we are no closer to having a viable parenting plan in place. I get my son every other weekend.. no holidays, no summer, no Christmas, zip…. Am I a drug addict? A felon? Anything??? No to all of the above. I am someone who has been accused of the most egregious things you’ve ever heard… all lies. (Alec and I look at each other and say “Are you serious? I just want to see my kid!”) How can a man who pays child support (on time) and volunteers at the school be classified so easily? Me and my ex are still fighting too.. over how much time I can have with my son. It’s literally come down to 45 days a year. She doesn’t want me to have those extra 45 days; she’d rather characterize me negatively and watch the pawns beneath her move to her each and every false allegation. I’ve been accused of everything that Alec Baldwin has been accused of… (and more I’m sure) This includes Anger Management. My current girlfriend CANNOT believe the mess my son is in….. Neither can I.
After having known me 15 months… My girlfriend has seen no abusive tendencies… (what a shocker). She would know as she literally survived real abuse in her youth.
Like Alec, I agreed to do the Anger Management, not because I thought I needed it.. because I would do anything to be part of the SOLUTION to my sons life. My son has genuine issues and they get worse because of the parenting plan disagreements and the PAS. As a man I can teach him how to become a man. He needs me. And I him.
I simply want more time with my son than what would be given me under the “basic plan.” I gave her full custody. I would never want to take my kids away from their mother… I would never do that…
I want to say “Just make a F^%$*& decision for God’s sake?!” That’s all anyone can ask. 2 years later… we are no closer to seeing each other… by Christmas 2008 nothing will have changed… I’ll have gone 3 years with out him at Christmas… PAS is real.
Finally, I want to express to you that there is no hope in fighting PAS unless your willing to do more. What more? Join the National Fatherhood Initiative, donate money, vote, volunteer, do anything… it is a desperate situation that people face… the legal system is broken and Alec Baldwin is right… how do we fix the legal system? I wish I knew. It takes all of me to get through each day. Each day takes me further away from my boy.
Many say there are resources for PAS. If you like to read — “that’s wonderful!” But until main stream medical experts agree that PAS is actually something recognizable… Until the shrinks all agree that PAS exists… nothing will change. The majority of the legal system throw out language that suggests PAS. If you want to beat PAS you have to fight for your kids. Do the right thing. Say the right thing to them about your ex.. don’t play into it.. but hang on! Don’t give up… that’s exactly what they want. He/She wants you to give up.
Sadly, many men do. How could anyone blame the men for the erosion of the American Family? Men have been systematically neutered. We have few real recognizable rights in child custody decisions. The Judges and the crooked attorneys keep it all going…
Good luck.
September 23, 2008 at 3:08 pm |
Many of us were victims of parental alienation. In Irelands case she was lucky enough to have a “fighter” for a father. I’m sure Alecs’ anger got out of control on occassion, but a parent is entitled to be ENRAGED when they’ve lost contact with their child and want that relationship restored. SHAME, SHAME, SHAME, on you Kim. And as for that phone call, the most damaging abuse occured when the media kept playing it over and over.
September 24, 2008 at 12:01 pm |
Recently I was involved in custody dispute that opened my eyes to serious flaws in our justice system. I find it hard to believe that a country so progressive in its thinking regarding the rights of prisoners, gays, and animals can be archaic when it comes to the rights of fathers. Fathers are routinely kept from their children by vindictive women abusing the system for their own personal gain. Fathers that fight to see their children are made to jump through more hoops than a dog in a three ring circus. Many take the path of least resistance, which is to see their children very little if at all. The courts have become backlogged with filings, orders, and petitions designed to steal fathers of time with their children.
People need to know how restraining orders are being used as tools to limit a father’s time with his children. My ex was able to get a restraining by falsely accusing me of domestic violence. Then to make matters worse she violated her restraining order by contacting me after it was granted, yet the court chose to ignore this fact. My situation is even more troubling because my ex admitted in a court of law that she physically and emotionally abused her six year old nephew by tying his arms and legs to discipline him. The court recognized her actions as abuse but was more concerned with hearing fictitious accusations of domestic violence than dealing with a confirmed case of child abuse.
I firmly believe that the decisions made in my custody trial violated my civil rights. The job of the court is to protect the rights of the people and that includes fathers. I have outlined the facts of my story in this letter.
The Break Up
My story begins when my ex-girlfriend moved out of my house after a disagreement. She became angry and told me that she was going to leave with our 2 month old daughter. My ex told me that she did not have to let me see her and if I wanted to see her again I would have to take her to court.
The Trial
I went from being able to come home to my newborn baby girl to preparing for a nasty custody trial that also involved mutual restraining orders. We both asked for sole legal and physical custody of our daughter. She filed a restraining order against me alleging domestic violence. I filed a restraining order against her because she entered my house, without my permission, after she moved out. I also reported this event to the police. From the time I petitioned the court to the time I was given visitations by the court was 65 days. At the time of custody trial my daughter was almost 5 months old. My ex claimed that I had let my daughter cry for hours without consoling her so the court said my visits had to be supervised. By the time of the custody trial I had 12 hours of visitation with my daughter. The facts of the case are as follows:
• My ex had a confirmed case of child abuse against her. She tied her 6 year old nephew’s hands and feet to discipline him while he was in her care. At the time he was in foster care because his mother and father were serving time for abusing him and his siblings. His foster mom reported the incident to his social worker and my ex was not allowed contact with him or his siblings. My ex confirmed the facts of this event on the witness stand.
• My ex filed a restraining order 12 days after she moved out. During these twelve days I visited with my daughter several times at her residence and mine with no incident. Her restraining order was not filed until after I reported her to the police for entering my home, without my permission, after she moved out and I made her return a vehicle she was using that was registered to me.
• After my ex was granted a temporary restraining order until our court date she called me at work, left a message, and tried to meet me while she was in the area. My attorney filed a transcription of the voicemail with the court. Ironically during the trial she testified that she would be scared if she saw me on the street.
• My ex accused me of physically abusing her on several occasions yet I have never had the police called on me for any reason.
• My ex claimed to have had bumps, bruises, and cuts from the physical abuse but had no pictures or medical reports to support her story.
• She accused me of being an alcoholic yet I have never been arrested for a DUI. I have never been arrested for any reason.
• She claimed the tape recording of her voicemail, where she requested a meeting with me, had been tampered with and some of her message was missing. The judge made me call my voicemail to play the message. The recorded message was a word for word match of what my attorney transcribed for the court. When my attorney asked my ex what words were missing she had no explanation.
• Even though I petitioned the court first to establish a parental relationship I was forced to pay for a paternity test because my ex and her attorney requested I take one. During the trial my ex said she wanted a paternity test done because I argued with her over the paternity of my daughter. I have never questioned paternity. My name is on the birth certificate and my daughter has my last name.
• Three of her witnesses were here cousins, one I had never seen before. In my ex’s request for a restraining order she did not mentioned any of them as a witness to any of her alleged events. All of them filed separate statements later claiming to be witnesses to events where I physically abused her in their presence. Her attorney told the court they reminded her of these events, but there is no police report or proof besides their statements.
The Results
After going to court a total of five times both sides finally rested their case. When the judge read the decision I was shocked. The results were the following:
• My ex was given sole legal and physical custody of our daughter.
• I was given 10 hours a week to see my daughter.
• First 30 days with supervision from ex’s family, (transitioning period).
• My ex was granted a permanent restraining order for 2 years.
• I was denied my request for my restraining order.
• My ex was ordered to attend 10 anger management classes.
• I was ordered to attend 30 anger management classes.
• My ex was ordered to attend parenting classes
• I was ordered to attend a parenting class.
• I was required to pay $4500 of her legal fees.
• I was ordered to pay child support.
The Solution
I do not believe in shinning the light on a problem without offering a solution. Some of the solutions are common sense that will take little effort to implement. Others will take more effort but would go a long way to insure everyone is treated fairly by the justice system. I expect justice to be blind but I do not expect it to be deaf and dumb also. Below I outlined some solutions that will help make sure everyone is treated fairly within our justice system.
• If a person files for a restraining order and there is proof they have contacted the other party their request should automatically be denied. It makes no sense to grant a restraining order if they continue to contact the other party.
• When the father is available a paternity test should be given at birth. Couples could choose not to review the results.
• A person should have to prove claims of physical abuse by providing evidence. If you claim to have bruises you should have to provide evidence in the form of pictures or a medical report otherwise those claims should be dismissed by the court.
• Restraining orders should not carry the weight they currently do when custody is involved. From my experience it is too easy to make false accusations against a person that would result in loss of time with their children. I could make a good argument that in many cases restraining orders only escalate a tense situation. I suggest either making restraining orders carry less weight in a custody cases or creating another type of court order where both parties were ordered by the court to stay away from each other for a period of time. This order would be very general, but if broken would result in a restraining order. Restraining orders should be reserved for cases where the police are involved so the situation is documented by a trained professional.
• Domestic violence and child abuse should be judged as criminal assaults; as such a person accused of these crimes should have their right to due process protected.
• If a father is on the birth certificate the courts should automatically respect his rights to custody and visitations, until proven otherwise.
• If the mother questions paternity she should be responsible for proving her claims by paying for a paternity test. In my case this was used as a stall tactic to delay visitations with my daughter. When my daughter was born the nurse asked if I wanted a paternity test; my ex jokingly said I did not need one because she looked just like me, which was true so I declined the offer. During the trial she claimed she wanted a paternity test done because I had questioned the paternity of my daughter. This explanation makes no sense because I petitioned the court for custody and visitations first. If I had a questioned paternity I would have asked the court for a paternity test.
• Parties should be made to mediate together even if there are allegations of domestic violence, the accusing party could request security be present. Under California law in cases where domestic violence is alleged the accusing party has the option to meet with a mediator separately. This loophole is an easy way out of negotiating directly with the other party.
Throughout the trial my ex’s attorney described our situation as a “classic” case of domestic violence. The courts need to seriously review their role in society if what I described in this letter has become the classic case of domestic violence. I thought in this country there was a presumption of innocence until proven guilty. For a father seeking the time he deserves with his children that is not always the case.
I had the privilege of serving of as a foreman on a jury trial where the accused was a convicted felon. He had been charged with additional crimes while in prison. The jury in that trial gave a convicted felon more respect than I was given by the court in my custody trial. We cannot be progressive in our thinking regarding human rights, gay rights, prisoner’s rights, animal rights, and all other types of rights but continue to treat fathers as second class citizens in our court rooms.
I chose to write this so I can help other fathers going through the same ordeal. There are many more facts to my case that I would be happy to discuss with anyone wanting more information. I will continue to fight for the custody I know I deserve.
October 23, 2009 at 9:04 pm |
The mother of my child has me falsely arrested regularly. NYC is very crowded and judges have not time to listen.
Women use the courts and claim violence and without hesitation I am arrested, paying lawyers with money I do not have, or settling for public attorneys who have full cases and do not want to meet or discuss the cases.
I have a civil court restraining order from seeing my son, and i have criminal order restraining me from seeing my son.
God Bless America let it burn I hate this country.
October 3, 2008 at 3:31 pm |
Psychologist Ira Turkat thoroughly reviewed the science on parental alienation and concludes that there has yet to be the proper type of research programs to be undertaken which is why we don’t know from scientific evidence if this exists as a syndrome or not. So we can argue about it any way we want except for one simple fact. Some parents do things to alienate their children from the other parent. Men do it to women and women do it to men. Good parents don’t alienate someone they love against someone that child loves.
October 29, 2008 at 1:48 pm |
I agree with the statement.. “good parents don’t alienate someone thy love against someone that child loves”….
it happens BOTH ways… I am a woman, a pediatrician, and I no longer see two of my children because of alienation. The courts were HORRIBLE. A court appointed psychiatrist did a “two hour” evaluation and in his comments criticized my hair, the color and style. How is that for objective standards….
A kid can drop out of school and we would never allow it,,, but a child can drop out of a kids life and the other parent can support it and we allow it?
Remember, if you get divorced in this country, you surrender ALL rights to your children. The state does not have to abide by ANY standards and can order your children removed and you without hearing or evaluation.
November 6, 2008 at 11:07 pm |
Thank you, Mr. Baldwin, for having the courage to bring this very difficult issue out into the open and for giving me a NAME (alienation) for it. I am entangled in such a situation (I’m the mother & divorced from a narcissistic psycho) in which my partner and I are constantly under siege. This gives me a great deal of direction in finding help with keeping my kids involved and engaged with BOTH of their parents, to which they have every right! Annie Shaw
December 21, 2008 at 7:03 pm |
Divorce is a merely a well-paying business that is run by females for females with help from a few black robed guys who have no clue what they are doing. The powers that be, who run this scheme, don’t want anything changed – it will affect too many jobs for divorced women. The black robed guys appear to arbitrarily pick out the template of the day to sign – irrespective of the facts. All the templates are biased in favor of the women. Many foreign women are using marriage as a convenience to enter the country. In these cases, a baby is simply a tool to prevent deportation. It is time to wake up – the eroding family structure is far more serious than the mortgage crises and the financial crisis together. Unless someone can stop women from using children as tools, we are heading to a deep ravine with our eyes tightly shut. Only someone like Alec Baldwin can lead this effort – we need a lot of attention on the problem and there is no way to get focus for the serious problems that underly the symptoms using information such as the ones suggested by Amy Baker, Ph.D.
January 5, 2009 at 3:15 pm |
My husband has been in an ongoing custody battle with his ex-wife. I have endured this long battle with him. After long drawn out evaluations of all parties involved, (including myself) The ex-wife has a new tactic to keep his daughter from him. I will not go into details as this may give some other black-hearted woman some crazy ideas. But the attacks have now been re-directed at me. This is not easy as we are still newlyweds. I want to do something to help change these laws. No due process, no trial. Yes this happend to me. I have no respect for these judges. They do not judge… they rule in a way that keeps them from being liable. Am I in America??? I feel like a fugitive in my own home. That’s it, I am going to law school….And I will fight for Equal Rights for Fathers… Sincerely, A Woman
January 14, 2009 at 7:52 pm |
To all interested persons,
“PAS”, as it has been commonly known, is a devastating situation. As each of you search for your solutions to your personal situations, please remember to “always keep the high road”. “GOOD PERSONS” will always eventually sleep deeply knowing that they did everything possible. 5 years of research and $25,000 of legal efforts have been in vain, for me.
I seek help in identifying a Foundation/not-for-profit organization that can be a central advocate for the issue. Responses welcome. mrpines@hotmail.com
April 2, 2009 at 5:58 am |
Hello Everyone,
These stories are nothing short of scary. I read through these and other sources to try and gain an understanding as to why this is happening. My purpose is simple . . . my ex-wife continues to do the same thing 3 years after the marriage has ended.
Now my children are routinely subject to unilateral parenting decisions and a barrage of attacks on me by her mother. My ex-wife’s cousin even enters the fray to tell totally fabricated stories to the children. I have been accused of being mentally insane to having committed attempted murder . . . all of which was thrown out by the court. But her alienation continues unfettered. She will not allow her own mother (the children’s grandmother) to see our kids becuase her mother chastized her learning that it was her affair that led her to pursue divorce.
From my perspective I have learned that you cannot beat “mean”:
1. Justice can be bought. Based upon what I have read in this blog as well as my own experiences, if a man has the money and the mean-spirited nature he can effectively tie things up so much that the mother who runs out of money first loses. Note in Florida that legal aide WOULD NOT provide me any legal services on custody or alimony-related issues despite having lost my job and having $0 assets (She is sitting on over $300K in cash from the marriage . . . “community property state” definition has so many loopholes that the concept is a misnomer).
2. Generally, justice is not blind. My ex-wife walked into court EVERY time the default victor. Unless you have the money and the mean-spirited nature you WILL get bare minimum from the court if you are a man.
3. Perjury has no teeth : My ex-wife has made so many lies under oath in court, yet with complete impunity. I was later that while the evidence showed her story did not hold water and her testimony counterintuitive to the facts, I had to prove that I never attempted to do what she claimed. If you know an effective, substantiated way to prove what never happened did indeed never happen, you are smarter than I am. As my lawyer said, “She was coached well on how to use the system . . . if you can’t prove she is telling an outright lie, she is not committing perjury.”
4. Many lawyers do not seek the truth, they seek a victory at all financial, emotional, and fair-play costs. I am obviously very naive because I presumed that lawyers were noble individuals attempting to find the truth. . . nothing could be farther from the truth. My ex-wife’s lawyer should be disbarred for her behavior. She fully (and I have documented for the courts her misinformed statements) distorts the truth in order to get a judgement consistent with her client’s wishes, not with what is in the best interest of the children.
5. Related to number 4, the only lawyer that can defeat a crooked lawyer is another crooked lawyer. My first lawyer is an honest, respectful man who sought what was in the best interest of the kids AND my ex-wife based upon loads of child research. WRONG! My next lawyer will be more crooked, nasty and conniving than my ex-wife’s current lawyer. My next lawyer will look at some of the opposing lawyer’s ineffective unethical practices as “rookie mistakes” and take her to school on the practice. I know this sounds so incredibly cynical, but I honestly believe that my ex-wife making plans for the children on the weekends I ma to have them is inappropriate. Oh, I do have recourse . . . after she has gotten them all excited for the event, I could show up to her house with a police officer and my custody papers to pick up the kids, then deny them what thier mother has promised them. She practices manipulation to the highest degree.
I wish all of you that are in pain all the best in successfully resolving the siutation. God bless you all!
May 2, 2009 at 6:27 pm |
I am seeing a lot of: “I am a victim of” in here. You people are victim of NOTHING. You married that evil, vindictive liar and until you accept your part of the failed marriage you will NEVER achieve closure. And ladies please don’t use that tired old “he changed” crap. You knew he had issues and you still married him. GET OVER IT!
October 20, 2009 at 8:05 pm |
Hey there Mr Michael Eads:
I have read the fore mentioned post on here and I do not see where any of these so called “victims” even stated why they were divorced. Obviously, you have not gone through anything that deals with this matter. It is a real issue and I am a VICTIM. Who in the hell are you to say otherwise.
October 23, 2009 at 9:09 pm |
Michael..Victim of nothing?
Where does it say if you sleep with a woman you should live in a hell of not seeing your own child?
The restraining orders ,and judges, police and obstacles are barriars for men. Thank Hilliary Clinton and all the men who helped put all the female judges in charge of these cases because women are so damn compassionate.
You walk in a man and the case is decided the USA is the absolute worst country. I want to live in China, Japan, Korea, UK, anywhere I have the right to see my child and there is no b.s. false criminal charges used as leverage. In those countries they would tell the bitch if she was lying get the F out of here! The man wants to see his child.
No its America, Americas courts, and no polititician will take a stand because no man knows or understands this problem until he has personally been through it.
I Hate America – I would leave but there is likely a court order preventing that too!!!!