The COPE Class
Unless excused by the court, parents in Clark County Nevada have 45 days after the filing of a divorce complaint to attend a mandatory COPE (”Helping Children Cope with Divorce”) class.
The class itself costs $40, lasts for about 3 hours, and is usually held at a public library. See Palo Verde Child and Family Services Inc. for more information. You can pre-register or walk in. They take cash or money order and you will need a photo ID to confirm your identity. At the end of the course you will receive a certificate of completion that you can show the court as evidence of completion.
Topics include:
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How families experience divorce
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Typical reactions of children
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Developmental needs of children
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Skills that help children cope
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Pitfalls to avoid
In my experience, the seminar gave some nice information on the psychological reactions of children to divorce (at different ages ranging from toddlers to teenagers) and how parents must work together to mitigate the negative effects of divorce.
I specifically pressed the presenter on how to deal with an ex-spouse with borderline personality disorder who is intent on alienating the other parent. Her response was that unless the other parent sees the “big picture” that working together is in the best interest of the child then there is little that can be done. The presenter had no strategies on how to counter parental alienation tactics.
Unfortunately, until the courts start to see parental alientation as a form a child abuse and shared parenting as the norm, children will continue to be psychologically harmed by divorce.
June 23, 2008 at 6:17 am
My brother is involved in a divorce from a woman we suspect has BPD or is a sociopath. They were court-ordered into a COPE class in Ohio without the court considering my brother’s claims that his wife is incapable of anything but hatred toward him and is incapable of looking at him or speaking to him. They were required to attend counseling which the wife refused to attend after two sessions because the counselor was on to her, they were required to go to COPE. She later convinced the guardian ad litem that they just couldn’t communicate, so she ended up as custodial parent, with the father getting the child almost 1/2 of the time. Now the child, who is four, says he’s been home alone at his mother’s on at least two occassions. The second time his mother brought a toy home so he wouldn’t tell his Daddy. The child is also having nightmares about his father being shot and killed. I could go on and on about the mother’s neglect, emotional abuse, violent rages, parental alientation tatics, but you’ve got the idea.
These programs may be of use to people who have marriages that fail for the usual reasons, but are totally ineffective when mental illness and emotional abuse are the primary reasons for the split. Furthermore, they give a false impression to the court that the parties dealing with personality disorders now know how to deal with one another — when nothing could be further from the truth. COPE teaches you how to deal with someone who is sane, not insane.