Comments on: Part 1. Marriage Therapy

By: Jennie

Jennie — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 18:45:55 +0000

Steve, I just checked back and saw your comment. Husband doesn’t want to do any sort of program. He says that there shouldn’t be problems in a relationship if you are with the right person.

I too thought the question a therapist asked you “are you angry anywhere other than inside the relationship?” was profound. Like you, I am not angry in any other area of my life.

You are providing a lot of great info on your blog. Keep up the good work.

By: stevphel

stevphel — Sun, 25 May 2008 02:28:47 +0000

Thanks for the comment, Jennie. Have you looked at marriage builders (MB)? I read some of your posts on your blog and you seem pretty angry with him. In MB talk, your Taker has eclipsed your Giver (and he is probably in the same place).

I now demand Win-Win relationships (and its working). You might want to give it a try. However, I have learned (via my ex) that there are people who are pathologically incapable of keeping win-win commitments. If you have one of those then run and don’t look back.

By: Jennie

Jennie — Sat, 24 May 2008 00:12:39 +0000

Thanks for your post Steve. My husband and I also attended an Imago workshop with the McCanns’ shortly before we married. I was considering breaking the engagement at the time. The workshop experience was great. With the help of the counselors my husband was able to talk about his feelings and show empathy for mine. Unfortunately, he did not follow through with the program.

About a year ago I stopped trying to do Imago dialogue with him at all because he would just repeat back my words with zero empathy and call it a “dialogue”. This was very painful for me.

I think the McCanns are very good, (although we also saw another Imago counselor who was horrid). But yes, some people have issues that they have to work through individually in order to be able to do the Imago work. And some people are so damaged that they can never sustain a healthy relationship. At least you know you did all you could. Sorry you are going through all this. I guess I’ll be facing the divorce maze soon too.

By: Howard

Howard — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 04:33:57 +0000

I’m fascinated by this story because it involves a person who tried doing Imago with a Borderline. I have found this to be an amazing catch-22. Not only are you doing Imago with the type of person perhaps least willing to do it in the world, but, if you believe Imago, you are destined to be attracted to another one the next time.

I’m very curious if you found yourself attracting similar types in the future and how you feel Borderline and Imago reconcile. You can reach me through my site if you want.